New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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