This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
