Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
