Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
