Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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