What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
