I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
