Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wear drunk well.
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