I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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