If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
