just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
