she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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