We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
