woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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