Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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