you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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