He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
