Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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