Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
