Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
