R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
