ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
