And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
