What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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