But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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