I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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