Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
