Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
