Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this will be a night to untag.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
