Yo dont text me then not text me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
