I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My legs feel like baby dolphins
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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