i barfeds in our rink
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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