why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
