I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
