I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
