The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
