# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
