But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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