Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She bit a glass in half.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
