I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
