My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
