just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
