To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
