today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
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