Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
