i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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