I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
