I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
