The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize