she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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