Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize