Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize