speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
