somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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