Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
