I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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