I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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