Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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