I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
