Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
