hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
