Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
