Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize