I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
