just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
