Where did you get a picture of my penis
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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