you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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