In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
