I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
