Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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