i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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