I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
