Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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