batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
