there's paper in my vomit.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So vagazzling was a success
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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