i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
