I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
