nut hugger
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
