I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
