Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize