you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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