Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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