she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
