I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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