The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
