why didn't you poke me back
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
