If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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