He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
