if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
