Pappa wants mamma naked
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
