hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
