I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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