Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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