I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
