Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
