Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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