im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize