yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize