Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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