If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
